I was so excited to wear different styles of wigs and try new cuts that I would never have done before; an edgy short look or a longer layer style, even something with a crazy fringe. I was looking forward to wearing crazy new colors too; go blonde for a day or two, maybe light brown with soft highlights or a bright in your face red. I was not expecting what actually happened this weekend.
As soon as my son Conner became okay with me wearing wigs, I tried to wear a few different ones that I already had. I would look at myself in the mirror and not be happy with what I was seeing. I thought I was being crazy… these were not new styles to me. I had worn these wigs a bunch of times and had loved the look, so what was going on? Why was I finding something wrong with every wig that I put on? Did I just make a major mistake by shaving my head? What the hell was I going to do?
All of these beautiful styles had one thing in common. They were not black. My long hair was beautifully colored to a very shiny and healthy black, and when I looked into the mirror that is what I wanted to see. Not this fun short curl bob in red style, or long wavy brown hair, or a buzzed cut staring back at me. I wanted to see Emily.
This morning I got into work and the first thing that I did was ask if we had any black wigs that I could wear. As soon as I put it on and looked in the mirror the panic that I had been feeling started to fade away.
I learned something very important today. When you are shopping for wigs, buy fun ones that make you feel strong but also buy a wig that looks and feels like you. You still need to be you. You can still be a mermaid or GI Jane, but never forget that Morticia is still in there and needs to be seen and heard too.